My Desert Experience.

"When my sin is all that I can see, Your grace remains the shelter that I seek."

This line seems to be a recurrent theme of my life in Gainesville. However, the second part isn't as easy as the first. It's hard for me to hear God in the midst of it all. Slowly, discouragement starts to drain me. It starts to diminish my fire. My passion begins to pass... But I can't lose hope. I have nothing left to hope in. God don't leave me!

I remember sitting in church on a Friday night, listening to Pastor Hahn, a guest speaker, talk about God's people being in a desert experience. He extended the invitation to those who were struggling to just hold on and persevere. However, I remember thinking, God's got me in a pretty good place right now. Life is pretty good just chilling with Him. And I can actually say I was being pretty honest with myself. But suddenly I'm here, feeling wearied and drained. Discouraged. Discouraged because of my constant failure and sin, thinking that I'll never change. I'll always be prideful. I'll always lust. I'll always seem to show favoritism...
Discouraged because I feel like I'm walking this alone, I turn to my sides and wonder, where are my brothers and sisters? Isn't there anyone to run this race with me?
Discouraged because I feel like I cry out for God to show Himself! But He's not taking calls at the moment.

And suddenly my heart is heavy. I see others and I'll weakly smile, but I feel like I have no strength. Stargazing, an event I (along with a friend) was trying to put together for the freshman class for the glory of Christ, all of a sudden became discouraging. Wednesday rolled around and I had no heart to text people to come to prayer meeting.

O God! Restore me to the joy of my salvation! Fill my heart and lips with praise for You Jesus. I know this discouragement and disappointment is a lie! It's just a feeling. An emotion! I won't let Satan have His way. God I want to do Your will! This discouragement is getting in the way of Your great commission to me. There are too many hungry children and broken families in this world for me to let these feelings get to me. There are too many broken hearts for my heart to remain idle.

After going to Feed-A-Need on Sunday (a CCF ministry where we feed the homeless on Sundays), and recently beginning to read A Hole in Our Gospel (by Rich Stearns), I realize the brokenness and pain in this world. We live in a world of pain and hurt and Christ in the only solution. Yet so many of us Christians turn a blind eye to all of this suffering! Some of us even wonder where Jesus is in all of this.

Wake up!! We ARE the body of Christ! Jesus is made real to others through our acts of love! As I struggle now, I ask that you guys pray for me. Pray for my heart, that God would just break it for Him. That I would be in a place of dependency and reliance on Him, always.

As Mother Teresa beautifully puts it, To God be the glory.
"I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world"


 To God be the glory. (:
Love you guys!